There was an article today in Canada’s The Globe and Mail about Ryanair’s CEO and the “pee fee” being contemplated by the Dublin-based low cost air carrier. I guess we were not paying attention the first time this hit the wires, but the airline is considering installing credit card scanners on the doors of the toilets of their fleet of Boeing 737-800 aircraft. What’s more, the fee will be one British Pound.
Just imagine, if you are a foreign traveler, not only will you have the pay to use the toilet, but it is likely that your credit card company will charge you a foreign currency transaction fee. In combination these two fees will be called the “wesua fee” (not to be confused with the Wi-Fi Users fee) by the airline. Yes, the WESUA (WE Screwed yoU Again) fee is a product of our imagination, but as long as we are imagining what could be, why not read some more of this good fun?
Do you suppose Ryanair will try to segment the fees? There could be a “pee fee”, a “crap trap” (also known as the “bowel bond”), a fee for toilet paper, one for washing your hands and another for the paper towels to dry them. Since no one will pay to wash their hands, the airlines could make a bundle by installing a credit card-based hand sanitizer dispenser somewhere on the plane.
The mind runs wild at the possible ways to wring even more money from the traveling public. Perhaps, the airlines could charge more for the ticket based on pilot seniority? If a pilot relatively unqualifed on the aircraft used was going to fly, then you would be charged less than if a more senior pilot was scheduled to fly. Perhaps they could charge more for tickets on airplanes they actually maintain, as opposed to most of the ones that fly, for which the records are maintained, but not the aircraft.
How about charging for ‘barf bags”? Or, lifevests? Imagine – boarding a plane could become a cafeteria plan where you get to opt-in or out of seats, toilets, flight announcements, safety announcements, etc. Ah those airlines – always thinking about the best interest of their passengers!